You're Always My First
Working-Class Mr. Ahn's Unscheduled Visits to Dr. Yeon's Clinic continues...
Missed Part 1? Start here → PART 1
Warning: this post deals with some heavier psychological topics and dark fictional elements. Everything here is totally fictional.
The Newton Method — continued
Asuka: (continuing from Part 5-2)
Dr Yeon stopped rummaging through the cabinets.
"Why on earth do you want to know that?"
"I want to know everything about you."
There he goes again with his disarming frankness.
"I…my first milkshake? I…" stuttered Si-eun. The term was adorable but ridiculous. "When did you make your first?"
Such an obvious pivot, Suho smirked. But he answered nonetheless: "I was about 12. Right around the time when things started growing. It felt good so I haven't stopped since, and it's made me the man I am. Your turn."
This brought up awkward memories of Si-eun's changing body in middle school. His father, who made a career of coaching successful jocks, had counted on puberty as the miracle drug that would fix his dull son. But Si-eun had simply transformed into a letdown. Not tall, not fast, not strong. He saw it all in his father's face. The tense smiles, the quiet sighs, the customary pat-on-the-back phrase "I'm glad you tried, son" whenever he clinched a participation award in a sporting event, but never a real prize. But with Suho, at last Si-eun felt sufficient. He felt needed and wanted.
Ah let's just get this over and done with! thought Si-eun. "I…I never made milkshakes."
Now Suho looked confused. He furrowed his brow and asked, "What do you mean you never made milkshakes? We've made so many together!"
"Yeah, and the one you made at the Eunjang anime club was my first. You're always my first."
Suho could feel a full blush coming on. How can he be so direct sometimes? Then he remembered Si-eun showing him around Eunjang after official school hours. Baku had kindly lent him his uniform as a disguise, so Suho didn't mind that it smelled rather unwashed. Si-eun had brought him to the anime club, and Suho had laughed. It was the cutest and most wholesome club he had ever seen. They had read some series together, and perhaps it was the combination of the dusk light, and how Si-eun's hair fell over his eyebrows that day, or how Si-eun's voice had grown noticeably deeper as an 18 year old senior at Eunjang — to Suho this had happened in an instant. Or perhaps it was because Si-eun had suddenly smiled (so radiantly!) and said, "I like your braces." Suho had got them right after he was discharged from the hospital. He had replied, "You want to feel them?" And then they shared a clumsy first kiss, all teeth and metal and tongues, their ears burning. One thing led to another, and a hundred kisses later, before the sun had set completely, Suho had filled his palm with Si-eun's essence. Even his large hand was not sufficient as a vessel, and he had to use the nearest available tankobon, Dragon Ball Z volume 2, to clean up the significant spillage. Assistant head of club Juntae would have totally flipped. Si-eun was the head of the club, but his knees had buckled and he sat on the floor, too dazed to protest.
And now Suho finally knew why: That wasn't just his first kiss! That was also his first… oh my god! I blew his circuits!
Flustered, intrigued, and feeling like he had solved a cold-case like Kindaichi, Suho exclaimed, "But we were already 18 by then! You really never made any before that?" He had to make sure.
"I used Newton."
"What Newton? Who is Newton?"
"I mean I recited Newton's laws and theories. The effort kept the urges away."
Suho placed his hand on his face and snorted with laughter. Is he serious? Are there really people of such purity? Suho always felt that even young priests and monks were secret hypocrites rubbing themselves whenever they could. Si-eun was a true saint. Newton would have been so proud. Suho himself did it at least once a week, and in more hormonal seasons he did it twice a day for weeks at a stretch. He also emptied himself in Byeoksan High's staff toilet, where he showered in the early mornings after night delivery work, far more times than he could keep count. He probably nourished an entire generation of Byeoksan's sewer rats.
"Don't laugh ok," Si-eun said a little sourly. "It's made me who I am. I thought you said you were very happy to meet me?"
Suho sobered up and intoned: "I am." He knew when Si-eun told the truth with nothing to hide.
Then with perfect seriousness, Si-eun said: "I am also very happy I met you, Ahn Suho."
Suho melted into sunshine.
"Come, let's go out, I'm hungry." Suho said, buoyant. He felt like he could run round the earth.
"What do you want to eat?" Si-eun asked, hoping Suho wanted some kind of hot broth as well. But he would eat whatever Suho chose.
"Anything." Suho shrugged. "Just not your burnt omelettes."
"My burnt… Yah! Ahn Suho!"
3.
"You know, if you had done as much as me, you would have attained another two inches."
"Oh shut up."
But then it clicked in Suho's mind. Sperm Saint here stored it up for 18 years! Maybe that's why he gives more than me every time…
Thank God for Gochu Jabchae
J: Thank God, I'm so grateful for letting me taste this delicious gochu jabchae. No matter how I think about it, it doesn't make sense that only me and a few unnis are reading this!!! I'm thinking about translating it into Korean. I noticed people from Korea are accessing the blog too. I'm writing an amateur review about your gochu jabchae here as well. It's a beautiful weekend.
Jen.
Sustainer of Delusion
Asuka: I am stunned to know the creator of Misaeng had no true experience of corporate life. It is testament to his artistic imagination. It remains one of my favorite ornaments on my K Drama Christmas tree. (The current gold star on the top is WH…)
I wonder if Director Yoo 'internationalized' WH2 to fit with a Netflix audience? I've always preferred the fun of figuring out another culture on its own terms. Like how I prefer food made authentically and without being modified for a tourist like me. If it's too spicy, so be it. With films and series, it's kind of like, "I'll try to climb up to your level, please don't come down to mine." But yeah, I get that there are always economic factors to consider, alas.
Ah which Buddhist text I bought from the shelf of Buddhist history? Hahaha I didn't. That day I bought the Song of Achilles instead, not the holiest choice. That said, I do have Buddhist texts and treatises at home, perhaps not quite expected given the deluluverse I have been generating. I guess I gravitated to some Buddhist practices for their focusing and calming effects, and to some of their philosophies for their penetrating analyses of things. I don't pay attention to creation myths in general, and I'm not part of temple communities. I'm not sure if Buddhists would say I am Buddhist, but this does not bother me in the slightest, since many Buddhists keep themselves busy by telling other Buddhists they are not Buddhist. I find this is a common theme for any religion I have encountered — it's a human thing to need to classify and to organize hierarchies. Don't idol fans do this too? Saying who is a 'true fan' and who is not. Regardless, I declare myself a Weak Hero fan, whether I fit some true fan's definition or not.
I just saw Jeon Do-yeon as Boksoon, and I remember her in Untold Scandal, from two decades back. A very fine actress, who brings layers even to her John Wickian assassin character. So she could not forgive her child's killer in Mil-Yang? I don't know if I could do it myself.
Buddhists say the act of forgiving a very heavy transgression takes a lot of daily practice. I tend to agree. They start with the letting go of smaller things and then move on to weightier matters.
Would Suho be willing to forgive Beomseok? I do agree with your characterization, that he wouldn't bother with the trouble of it all. But what if Si-eun pleaded with him? This is where it gets grey.
And what if Si-eun pleaded with Suho in deluluverse? Even then I am not sure. But the two are so close, I think Suho might give it a shot, solely for Si-eun's sake. Si-eun himself is probably willing to try forgiving Beomseok, and if he did, he would be likely to succeed. I remember Beomseok apologizing after slapping on the fentanyl patch, and he was coldly rebuffed by Si-eun. But the second time Beomseok tried at dinner, and it looks like Si-eun already forgave him before he even opened his mouth. There is an innocence, a warmth and a vulnerability at the core of Si-eun.
But I don't think deluluverse Mr Ahn spends one second wondering about 'what-if' scenarios with Beomseok. He may not even have blocked Beomseok's contact. He just doesn't give a shit.
And yes, I do think this would really reawaken a dark madness in Beomseok. Beomseok wants to matter. He needs to matter, especially to Suho. But he has to matter on his own terms, and not on Suho's or anyone else's. And he will kick this acknowledgement into Suho's skull again if need be.
I watched grandmaster Spielberg's AI in the cinema, and the experience has stayed with me for two decades. This 'one week' idea is beautiful, wow. Jennie, you really are a font of inspired interior designs. If Suho grants it to Beomseok, it would be like the arc that gives closure to an old, reformed villain. Such a lovely end-of-season vibe.
Yours, ASL, sustainer of delusion.
Please Translate Any Way You Like
Asuka: Hope you enjoyed the gochu jabchae! I'm very much honored you wish to translate this!
Some wordplay (ahem, "how far you've come") is quite English dependent, but please give it a shot (or 16). Or you can rewrite it entirely into more idiomatic Korean if you wish. If you find the time for it, please translate any way you like.
Yours, Asuka, lover of peppers.
Who is Jennie? Bricklayer. Local correspondent for the Yeon Clinic deluluverse. A sous chef who checks whether the soup actually tastes like Seoul. A specialist who designs this kitchen to hold more than Suho's coma — philosophy, history, society, culture, stacked one recipe at a time.
Who is Asuka? Head nurse and main chef of the Yeon Clinic. A Scheherazade who sings the Song of Achilles she found shelved next to a book on Zen Buddhist masters. Fluent in several languages, conversant in single malts and the precise emotional damage of Weak Hero Class 1. Signs off as ASL. (Always starch linen.)
This free ebook will ruin you. In the best way. A character analysis of Si-eun, Su-ho and Beom-seok that goes beyond what subtitles can carry. Take it — it's free → DOWNLOAD HERE
This post was originally published on Jennie's blog in the autumn of 2025. The original blog has since moved to Blogger due to hosting changes — welcome to the new home.
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